I consider myself somewhat of a baseball savant. My unique ability to understand the game was honed over years playing for some of the most prestigious programs in the world. Just look at my track record. I played for internationally renowned, and back to back Little League World Series champion Long Beach Little League. Then, a few years later, for Junior College World Series program South Mountain Community College.

Now I should clarify that I didn’t play for either program at the time of their ultimate success. In fact, I missed out on both by a single year, but nonetheless, I think that qualifies me to pick this years certain baseball winners and losers. 

Divisions by record

American League West

• Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - 162-0. I’ve made this pick for the last 10 years and see no reason why I should stop now.
• Oakland Athletics - 143-19. I think the A’s are much improved but will suffer 19 losses, all at the hands of the Angels.
• Texas Rangers - 60-102. Josh Hamilton will hit 85 home runs, 60 of the game winning variety
• Seattle Mariners - 30-132. The Griffey Jr. nostalgia tour will distract Mariners fans for a couple months before they go back to being pissed about the Sonics. 

American League Central

• Minnesota Twins - 90 - 72. Aside from Mauer and Morneau I can’t name a single player. That means they’ll be good. 
• Cleveland Indians- 89-73. They’ll lose the division on the last day to the aforementioned group of no names. 
• Detroit Tigers - 85-77. They’ll be just mediocre enough to keep almost half of the stadium full through the summer. 
• Chicago White Sox - 81-81. Exactly .500 should be enough to shut up Ozzie Guillen… But it won’t. 
• Kansas City Royals - 60-102. Who cares. 

American League East

• New York Yankees - 95-67. New fat guy pitching and boring (really good) guy at first means back to playoffs. 
• Boston Red Sox - 92-70. My noted hatred of the Red Sox compels me to keep them out of the playoffs. 
• Toronto Blue Jays - 85-77. They’re better than you think. But they play in Canada so they don’t really count. 
• Baltimore Orioles - 77-85. Still wearing orange and black, still suck. 
• Tampa Bay Rays - 70-92. I don’t buy the hype. Think last years Rockies. Back to the basement where they belong. 

National League West

• Arizona Diamondbacks - 88-74. They set a new Major League strike out record but win the division
• Los Angeles Dodgers - 87-75. The Dodgers lose the division on a Diamondbacks strike out wild pitch.
• San Francisco Giants - 80-82. They’ll suck but who cares their park is amazing.
• Colorado Rockies - 65-97. Who cares. 
• San Diego Padres - 59-103. Irrelevant

National League Central

• Chicago Cubs - 115-47. They’re the best team all year of course leading to another delicious October collapse. 
• St. Louis Cardinals - 84-78. A Bad News Bears infield keeps them from the playoffs. 
• Cincinnati Reds - 78-84. Got rid of strikeout machine Dunn and ole’ man Griffey. Still two years away. 
• Milwaukee Brewers - 70-92. You can’t lose all your pitching and survive. 
• Houston Astros - 69-93. Unless Nolan is coming out of retirement, they’ll suck. 
• Pittsburgh Pirates - 12-45. They’re retracted mid-season.

National League East

• Florida Marlins - 92-70. That’s right bitches. Jump on the bandwagon now while there’s still room.
• New York Mets - 90-72. They don’t collapse this year. They’re just not as good as everyone thinks (screw you K-Rod).
• Atlanta Braves - 84-78. They’re pretty good even though their uniforms have gotten even more boring. 
• Philadelphia Phillies - 79-83. World Series hangover means Philly fans can go back to hating everything. 
• Washington Nationals - 12-64. Another mid-season retraction (this one courtesy of President Obama). 

Playoff Predictions Divisional Round - Angels over Red Sox (please God I can’t take another year), Twins over Yankees, Diamondbacks over Mets, Marlins over Cubs (the most hilarious of all divisional outcomes).

League Championship Angels over Twins (sweep), Marlins over Diamondbacks

World Series Angels over Marlins (4-1), thus completing the Angels historic season with an overall record of 172-1